Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
