I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
