I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
