you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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