At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
