I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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