I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
