you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
