Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
