can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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