bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
