maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
