Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
