The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
