Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
