How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
