I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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