That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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