I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
