I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
