What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
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