The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
