Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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