Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I wish my penis had an off switch
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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