Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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