oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
