Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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