Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
