sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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