I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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