The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
