i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize