Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
