its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize