Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
whose parrot is this?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
