dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
