You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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