Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
