And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Operation Purity has been aborted
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
