How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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