i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
