a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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