What tipped you off? The sombrero?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
