sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
