I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
