you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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