im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
