you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
