What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
