I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
