Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
