Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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