Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
