i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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