just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
