Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
