so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
