like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
