We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
