in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
