We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
