You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
