Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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