Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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