Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
