I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
