if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Randomize
