Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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