Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
