Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
