McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
