youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
